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Saturday, May 28, 2016

Five More Questions to Ask in a Relationship

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In the last post, I mentioned 10 important questions to ask your significant other. I’ve gathered a few more important ones to add to that list.


11.) Do you like kids/ever want to have any when you are married? – This question gives you a gauge as to if this person feels the exact same way you do. If you do not want a large family or having a child year after year, you really shouldn’t be in a serious relationship with someone who ardently does.

12.) How do you feel about homeschooling/private school/public school?
-  Maybe you’re okay with public school and he or she is not. This is also important. Can a compromise be met? Or will one of you have to cave into the other’s beliefs? This is very important to think about.
13.) How do you feel about debt? At what point is it okay to go into debt? – This will give you an idea if the other person spends inordinate amounts of money just because, spends money they don’t have, or if he or she is practical and only spends what they have.
14.) Do you believe in divorce? – This one will require you to go over different scenarios with your significant other. For instance, perhaps they don’t believe in divorce, but give them a scenario that involves a bad accident that leaves you with the mindset of a five year old for life. How would he or she react to that? What would happen if you were in a house fire, badly burned, and badly disfigured? How would they react? Those are important things to ask.

15.) How do you feel about . . .? The last question I have are questions you need to think about. Do you have a problem with people who smoke or approve of tattoos? Then you should ask them how they feel about those things. Do you disagree about going into bars to do a Bible study, then ask them how they would react to an invite. You want to know just how like-minded this person is and what is a make or a break issue. Some of these questions may not be, and some may. It all depends!

Hopefully these questions have given you an idea on what's important in a spouse and have given
you an idea of how that lines up with where you're going in your relationship.

Monday, May 9, 2016

You're in a Relationship- Now What?

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If you're a Christian in a relationship with the intended goal being marriage, it's extremely important to ask the deep questions, not just the surface level ones like, "What's your favorite color?" I mean the ones that can impact a marriage for life. Maybe you've found yourself in a relationship and you think you've asked him/her everything that's important, but just in case, here's a checklist of questions you should ask and need to ask. Some of the questions are questions that are not meant to be asked immediately, rather gradually, but of course, never late enough where you're already deeply committed to this person. If their responses aren't favorable, then you're going to have a difficult time extricating yourself from the relationship because of your attachment and misconceived notions that "It's okay. It will all work out in the end."




1.) How would you describe your salvation experience? - This question is the most important, as it gives you an idea about their conversion. Did someone force them to say a prayer, and they said it just because? Did they do it because everyone else was doing it at the time?

2.) Do you read the Bible and pray on a daily basis? - This question gives you an idea on the spiritual status of this person's life. Are they Christian only in name?

3.) What denomination would you say you adhere to the most? - This question gives a gauge on how like-minded you are.

4.) Have you ever been in jail/prison or have a criminal history? If so, what for? When was the last time you were in jail/prison? Is this still an issue?- You might have found yourself with someone who became a Christian later on in life, and knowing their past is very important. It may not define them as Christians, but the past can impact the future, and you will want to proceed very carefully with issues such as this one. You want to be sure your significant other has the help/accountability he or she needs to ensure this is never a problem again.

5.) Have you ever been addicted to anything? If so, what? Is this still an issue? - This question covers drugs, alcohol, and other pertinent issues that need to be known.

6.) Have you maintained sexual purity? If not, when was the last time you had sex? - The last question is to figure out if the person still has a problem with fornication.

7.) Do you have STI's? -If you're going to eventually marry someone, it's important to know this one.

8.) Have you ever purposefully looked at porn before? If so, is this still a problem? If it's not a problem, when was the last time you looked at porn? - If your significant other currently has a problem with porn, that's a good way to realize you need to end the relationship.

9.) Have you ever purposefully looked at child porn? If so, is this still a problem? - Child porn and adult porn are quite different, and this question can gauge whether your significant other has a problem with pedophilia. Are you going to be able to trust them around children?

10.) Are you in debt? If so, how much and what is your goal to get out of debt?- This gives you an idea if you will be struggling in a marriage because the other person is unwise with their money.


These are tough and sometimes awkward questions, but they must be asked. Some of the responses to these will be "deal breakers" and others will elicit a response from you that provides the ability to guide them to someone who can help them work it out, such as the road to being debt-free. Of course show grace at all times when speaking with your significant other on issues such as these. Don't harbor a judgmental attitude towards him or her. Be kind and gracious in your responses, even if you have to end the relationship.

You might be thinking, "Well, they're saved now and that's all in the past, so it's all okay." And yes, we have to show grace to those who have been redeemed from those things, but some of the issues discussed above can be lifelong struggles. Marriage is for life. If you decide to marry someone who struggled with some of those issues and they relapsed, things will be extremely difficult. What if they decide that divorcing is okay or that they know you'll never divorce so they'll continue living on in the past sins they committed? It's very important to think and pray about these things, talking with your parents and pastor, instead of just "jumping into it." Marriage is serious business and should not be taken lightly.

Those are just a few important questions to ask. I'll be back with more questions for next time. Perhaps you have some you think need to be added to my list. Let me know in the comments below!

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Don't Call Yourself a Christian Anymore

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As you get older you'll get a glimpse about what the Bible says about the separation of the wheat and the tares at the end of the age. It seems like once children who grew up in Christian homes become adults, they decide Christianity isn't for them and throw it off, but there are quite a few who accept Christianity and the world, together. They want their ticket to Heaven but also the things of earth, and it's to these people that I say, "Just don't call yourself a Christian anymore."I can excuse unbelievers for the things they do that don't line up with the Bible. They don't know any better about God's standards, and they choose to follow their own standards. But what bothers me is when a person who has grown up in a Christian home their entire life knows God's standards and decides to accept the world's standards and God's standards, but you can't have both. I've seen young people who call themselves believers dress provocatively, make sexual remarks, and curse often and then tell everyone how glad they are that God is in their life. Still others hold to the idea that wealth and status are everything, and then end up being enslaved to working for money, knowing full well that the Bible says you can't serve both (Matt. 6:24- "No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the others, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money."), knowing full well that the root of evil is the love of money. They continue on though and throw God into the mix. And yet others who get a taste of the world like to parade around their drinking habits as if it were a badge of honor. Yes, I know the Bible doesn't say drinking is a sin, and that getting drunk is, but frankly, I find it offensive, and the Bible says that if something you do offends your brother, you should stop. And yet, I've mentioned this before and they still parade about their drinking habits to me. I would rather not hear about them, and honestly, who cares? Not only do they parade about their drinking habits but other things like the tattoo they want and things that are bordering on inappropriate. Because all of those things scream "I want to be like the world," I assume these things are done for attention. I assume these things are done to be rebellious. I assume these things are done because the Bible doesn't explicitly say not to, so we will take that literally and push the limit as far as possible before we say no. This leaves many "Christians" looking exactly like the world when drinking is okay, smoking is okay, tattoos are okay, piercings are okay. The Bible says that we should not be conformed to the world, rather transformed (Rom. 12:2). When we okay all of these formerly inappropriate values, what's left that isn't wrong?My question is, why even be a Christian if you want to follow the world? Why? Can you answer that for me? If you want to live exactly like the world and look exactly like the world, why not just throw in the Christianity towel and become part of the world? God does not like the lukewarm; in fact, He says that because they are not hot or cold that He will spit them out of His mouth (Rev. 3:16). He would rather that you were hot or cold, not in the middle. Make up your mind. If you don't want to give up those things that make you appear to be part of the world, quit calling yourself a Christian. I'm tired of hypocrisy and deceit. If you really want God, quit seeking out attention from others, quit trying to be "cool," or fit in, and accept that God is the only one whose opinion matters, and He is no respecter of persons. He doesn't care that you don't fit in. In fact, that's what He wants from us as Christians. And isn't the approval of a Heavenly Father much better than any person's approval on this earth which is dependent on our actions? So I bring a proposition from Joshua 24:15, "And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served int he region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD." 

So will you serve God or serve self?