This topic is very much on my mind with the passing of my childhood dog this morning. She seemed to be in much pain, and we had to put her to sleep. It was so hard being there and watching. So with that bit, I just wanted to allow this post to be a place for everyone to share their feelings about what they experienced during the loss of someone or even a pet. I know pets and humans are different in their losses, but both losses can lead to extreme grief.
Nobody talks about what it feels like to lose something you love. I feel like it's not mentioned and no one cares. But I wanted to discuss this, because it's normal to feel these reactions. Here are some that passed through my mind today:
I made the wrong decision
I let her down
I betrayed her
I killed her
I hate myself
I'm sorry for doing this
I should've done . . .
I feel guilty
I feel inexplicable sorrow
If I would've have done this then this wouldn't have happened
I feel regret
I'm mad and I'm not sure at whom or what
I want to scream
I want to throw things and break stuff
I can't sit still
I don't want to eat
I can't sleep
I don't want to continue my daily activities
I don't want to be . . . (your job title, your status as a student, your role)
I want to quit everything
I have no desire to do anything
I want to go with her too
I want life to stop- why can't I get a break from it?
I'm tired of suppressing my feelings and pretending I'm fine.
I just want to talk to someone about it
Why doesn't anyone care?
What have I just done? Make them stop!
I don't want to be alone
I want to be left alone
When will the pain stop?
Why can't this pain be over with within a few days?
What happens to my dog after death? Does she go anywhere besides the ground?
I will never be able to see, feel, or pet her ever again
That's what grief feels like. Those were all emotions, questions, and comments I had. And they're all fairly normal, no matter how true or untrue they are. I've noticed what has helped me so far is asking for prayer. Knowing that someone is praying for me encourages me to realize I won't always feel this way. It may take a long time before I feel better, but I do believe prayer helps to alleviate some of the pain. How did/do you feel when you lost someone or something you loved very much? Sharing your grief with others can be very beneficial to healing. If you need prayer, let me know as well, and please keep me in your prayers during this time.