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Monday, July 20, 2015

Lessons Learned: About Men
I'm going to start a series on the different roles of men and women, and I wanted to begin with how women should be treating men. I've done a lot of observation and come to realize a few facts about how they want to be treated after a long day at work. I've worked for five years, and although office work is nothing compared to what others do, I've had my 12 hour workdays before, and I can relate to how and why a man doesn't want any of the following:

1.) He doesn't want to come home to problems- When you get home from an 8, 10, 12, 14 hour day at work, you want to relax. You really don't want to actually do anything that requires thinking, rather something mindless like watching t.v. or getting on the internet. You're tired. I understand moms are tired too and want a break, but wait on the problems. If something minor is broken or Jimmy was bad the entire day, give dad/husband some room before you bother him with the issue at hand. Let him sit down to eat and have an hour to relax before getting to the issues at hand. If something minor broke, either wait until he's off to have him fix it or think about learning how to fix it yourself. Your spouse will really appreciate having a help meet who can do things for herself every now and then and alleviate his stress. And he'll appreciate you for understanding how hard it is to work 24/7, just like you do if you're a mom.

2.) He doesn't want to be bothered at work, unless it's an emergency- Please, do not text or call your husband at work about minor things that can wait. I remember one time receiving a text at work saying, "Your dog is bleeding." Okay, so I have a dog, not a child, and I'm not a man, but I was busy that day and when I looked at my text, my automatic thought was, "Can't this wait? I'm busy. I can't do anything about it for eight hours. Why can't you fix it yourself?" But of course, I couldn't say that, because that was rude. So instead I instructed them how to fix the issue and told them I'd deal with the rest when I got home. Needless to say, I was stressed out when I got home knowing I'd just come home to another problem. Would this be an expensive vet bill? What could I do to stop the bleeding naturally? And on and on the thoughts went racing through my head about all the expenses. When you're at work, you are focused on work, not home life. If home life interrupts the work day, it can be very distracting and reduce your effectiveness at getting tasks done at work. Send calls and texts to encourage and positively communicate with your spouse when they're at work, but please refrain from texts and calls about issues that can wait.

3.) He doesn't need a honey-do list- Your spouse works at least 40 hours a week, and gets at least a day off, in some cases none for an extended amount of time. Have you ever thought about what it would feel like to have your only day off, or half of your days off sucked up with chores? Not to mention how belittling a honey-do list is. Honey-do lists say, "You don't lift a finger around the house to help, so I'm going to force you to with this list." Your husband isn't a child, even though he may be acting like one. Just because he acts like one doesn't mean you should treat him like one. Try a different approach to sharing the weight of the household chores in a reasonable manner. And even if your husband doesn't care to do anything around the house, you're supposed to be the submissive wife, so you can't patronize him to get what you want.*  Just be grateful he provides for you and think of how hard it must be to have the motivation to do anything after working so much. Pray for him to change if it bothers you that much. Remember, only God can change people, you can't.

Have any others to add to the list? Post in the comments below and share your tips for the women!

*As a side note, my information about wives being submissive to their husbands is a Biblical principle as seen in Colossians 3:18. This means that the husband is ultimately in charge of decisions made within the marriage. This does not in anyway mean that the husband should act aggressively, discount the input of the wife, or walk all over her like a doormat, rather when the husband and wife come together to discuss matters in a reasonable way, if there is some sort of disagreement on the issue, the wife must be willing to submit to the husband's decision (unless it goes against the Bible) and allow God to work within his heart if she feels that it is not a good decision. She should be in prayer for him concerning this.

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