God has been teaching me many things at once lately. They are a conglomeration of things that don't even have anything to do with eachother, nevertheless, I feel I should write about them.
I finished reading a biography about David Brainerd,and let me tell you, I was greatly impacted by it, like most missionary biographies. Reading missionary biographies have an indelible imprint on my worldview. You see, as of late, I'd been thinking about how I was starting to get better in my walk with the Lord, thinking things were going swell! Then as I started reading about Brainerd, I was struck by his character, that I was no where near it, and I had never seen anyone in my entire life act like that. Brainerd's life was totally and wholly devoted to God. Now, I know we say that about LOTS of people, but this was true of him specifically. Pretty much every page of his diary is about God. He expresses his longing to serve God. He even, now watch this, would despair over a day that was wasted talking to Christians about earthly things, rather than heavenly things. He would get depressed over THAT! This was a man who truly had no other thought but for God. I don't know about you, but it's been a rare case when I felt that way. My thoughts are not completely and wholly absorbed in God, not at all. So when I read about his life, I became distressed over my walk with the Lord and everyone elses. Why worry about everyone else? Well, it suddenly hit me if I am no where near where Brainerd was in his spiritual walk and all the other Christians around me aren't either, just how truly far are we as a people from God? It bothered me a lot to think about how comfortable we can get as Christians in America. We take everything for granted, we have no serious trials like Christians in other countries, we are just so very much ungrateful and selfish as a people! I felt like my spiritual walk was too far off to ever reach such a point as to be wholly devoted to the Lord. As I mulled over what it meant to be devoted to God, I prayed that it would start with me. I should work on myself, fixing my own self with God's help. Interestingly enough, as I started praying for that I noticed that when I had certain conversations with people that showed their lack of a deep relationship with the Lord, I grew distressed and did not want to talk with them. The pain of realizing how they didn't care actually bothered me! I think it was the first time that had ever happened. Now, I know I'm no where near holiness, and I do not say any of that to uplift myself. I am just distressed that even I am not where I should be in my walk with the Lord. I desire to draw closer to Him, and I am praying He would change that aspect of my Christian walk.
As I said before, I noticed a change in my own heart. On top of that my distress grew more so as I being to notice those around me who had no desire for the Lord. I see it from week to week, the Bible is boring to those who hear it read. It's boring to those in church. The look on their faces shows how little they care about God. My frustration mounted as I realized I wanted others to see the power of the Word, how it comes alive to those who hear it and read it! It is not dead; it is alive! As I taught the Bible, I wanted to convey this to those listening. But every time I'd get up and speak about the power of the Word, the importance, I saw no emotion from the audience, no interest or understanding. And that hurt, not because I wasn't applauded for my teaching, but rather because nobody seemed to care about the Word of God. When I would speak about these dilemmas to friends, I would receive apathetic reactions, which hurt even worse as I saw their condition. I suddenly felt like weeping and crying out to God to show them His wonderful truths, to make the Bible come alive to them like He has done for me. This was a shocking feeling that I'd never felt before. I had always been in awe of those weeping for the lost, because I had not reached that point in my spiritual walk. Yet here I was, wanting to cry in prayer that God would open their eyes. I still feel frustrated about our lack of love for God, mine as well. I'm trying to get there though. Nancy Leigh Demoss has a beautiful teaching on how we take God's word for granted. I recently heard it and couldn't help but cry and cry, as I saw myself taking God's word for granted. The link is at the bottom for you to read or listen to, please click on it! I would encourage everyone to listen to the rest of the series as it is powerful as well.
May we all be as these verses:
“How sweet are Your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth” (Ps. 119:103). “I rejoice at Your Word as one who finds great treasure” (Ps. 119:162)
"more to be desired than gold, yea, than much fine gold, and that it is sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb" (Ps. 19:10).
For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.
(Heb 4:12 ESV)