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Saturday, March 5, 2011

Amazed with my God

After praying for the Lord to give me the words to say for my next blog post, I realized what He wanted me to talk about this morning as I went through my counselor training for the center for pregnancy. I have such a conglomeration of different things the Lord revealed to me as I sat there listening to the speakers, that I have no clue what to title this or how to gather all these thoughts. I am first and foremost so thrilled that God has answered my prayer and given me what HE wants me to write about as just yesterday I had been thinking about writing about whatever, just so I could hurry up and write a blog post. I get impatient most times, but this time I stopped myself and said, “No, this blog is about what GOD wants me to write about- not what I want to write about.” So I decided to pray God would give me the words to say, and today I was blessed with an answered prayer. Sometimes it just makes me want to quote that famous poem to God,

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning

As God answered my prayer, and I realized what I would write about, I felt Him revealing so many things to me this morning. As some of you know, I have been battling my fear to counsel the young women at my local crisis pregnancy center. I enjoy volunteering there, and I’ve been a counselor-in-training for about a month, but I feel so inadequate! For starters, I am quite young, and I have no experience with counseling young women in a crisis situation. I know that I want to help, but I don’t know how to. As the director of my center, also longtime friend, got up and started speaking, she started off with these verses-

And now, O LORD my God, you have made your servant king in place of David my father, although I am but a little child. I do not know how to go out or come in. And your servant is in the midst of your people whom you have chosen, a great people, too many to be numbered or counted for multitude. Give your servant therefore an understanding mind to govern your people, that I may discern between good and evil, for who is able to govern this your great people?" It pleased the Lord that Solomon had asked this. And God said to him, "Because you have asked this, and have not asked for yourself long life or riches or the life of your enemies, but have asked for yourself understanding to discern what is right, behold, I now do according to your word. Behold, I give you a wise and discerning mind . . .
(1Ki 3:7-12 ESV)

I felt exactly like that verse, O Lord, I am but a child! I need your strength for I have no clue how to minister to these women or what to say! And when I heard my director speak those words, I knew God meant it for me. I felt very reassured like my God was telling me He had placed me here, you can read about that blog post from last year, and He would give me the words to say at the right time just as He had done for Solomon, so He would do for me. I know God has placed me here; He will fulfill my calling. Then God brought this other verse to mind

When they deliver you over, do not be anxious how you are to speak or what you are to say, for what you are to say will be given to you in that hour. For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.
(Mat 10:19-20 ESV)

If the Holy Spirit so graciously imparts to us the words to say during times such as those, how much more as ministers of God’s love? I was relieved to realize that although I don’t have the words to say that will minister to these young women, God does, and out of His goodness He will place the right words at the right time. I also took great comfort in knowing that despite my inadequacy God is willing and wanting to use me- He sees me differently than I see myself. It’s amazing that despite our inadequacies and our weaknesses, He chooses to use us just like He used David. He can see the potential in our lives that we cannot see within our own selves! No, that does not mean I’ll be the best counselor ever or that I’ll even be good when I start out. It means that God will be with me along the way- He knows I have the ability to do the task set before me.

The next thing I was struck by were the videos about the choices several young women had made. I saw the hurt and grief in the words and faces of the women who had chosen to abort their babies. I realized why we had received Kleenex at the beginning of the session, I wanted to cry with them. No longer did I feel the need to say, “How could you do that to your child?” Rather, I wanted to hold them and tell them that God forgives them, and with Him they can get through it. And then once again, I was utterly amazed by God’s calling to me in this vicinity. It was there that I said, once again, “God you knew I was meant for this when I didn’t even have a desire for these young women!” I was in awe again of my God. Just when I think that I wish I would’ve volunteered to minister to another group people, it’s then God shows me that He knows what I need the most. I love this volunteer work, and I wouldn’t trade it in for the world. If you remember from a previous post awhile back I explained my struggle to enjoy working at the pregnancy crisis center to now finding true joy and delight in ministering to the young women. Sometimes though my heart longs for something different, and each time it does, God shows me differently. Once again my God knew what was best for me, and I’m so glad that though I initially had NO heart for these women, I obeyed His calling,and He gave me the desire in the end. Isn’t it a funny thing how God can change our hearts? How he knows what is best for us and furthermore that our desires in the end will coincide with His? Sitting there made me realize what I love doing best- helping others. I hope to work in other volunteer vicinities with young women, but for now God has called me just to this place, and I’m so happy that God sent me to this place! This was only a fraction of what God showed me this morning, but it’s such a long post I’ll save the rest for later. So be sure to watch out for my next blog post in the next few days!

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